Friday, May 31, 2013

Birthday Post..!!!!

There are days when mum and I are like best friends and share our thoughts, opinions, likes and dislikes. We can gossip and laugh about silly things for hours together. Fight with dad, tease and make him entertain us and stuff. But there are also those kinda days when we just don't seem to agree on anything which ends up in a huge argument and one of us or both in tears.

She's been of great support to me. Yes I've lied, cheated and got caught and made her lose trust in me a lot of times. But its never been a case where we've lost love for each other. At the most, we can manage to be angry for two days. Not more than that. Usually after two days, we start arguing on something or the same issue and come to a conclusion and decide on how to rectify the issue (most of the time, alteration in my behavior)

But sometimes after a lot of explaining (for more than a week i should say), she does change her mind and accept the change to make me happy. When she does this, i feel like changing a bit for her and give back the happiness. This has worked for us and I'm glad.

During our fights and arguments, I've told her several times and i would not be like her when i have kids of my own. But i have always and always taken back those words once anger came down. If being caring, loving, bit of controlling and supporting through everything is what being a Mom is. Then i would love to be exactly that. Just like my mum. She used to say, i would miss her a lot once married and living away from her. Had not thought about it till today. Now that I'm getting closer to that day of starting to live away from her, I'm bit scared on how i would cope. Would miss her so much. Her physical presence every morning and night. But she'll always be there for me. And I'm sure our small fights and arguments would continue. :-)

Its her birthday tomorrow and i thank her for everything. Absolutely everything.

Happy Birthday Amma..!!!! :-)

Monday, May 27, 2013

Tomorrow will be better

No matter how many times and how long you order yourself on being strong, you break down and lose hope in everything. Now, this Hope is a very strange thing that I've tried to understand, failed quite a few times and stopped thinking about it. You lose it one minute and the next you are filled with Hope. It makes you go crazy. Makes you cry and smile.

Past few days have been so tiring physically and emotionally, I've been very distracted and not been able to do the thing i love the most. Writing. Not that I've ever been great at it. Who cares about it anyways? Writing was my way of expressing happiness, anger, jealousy and almost every other feeling. I kinda let go of writing and blog somewhere. But not gonna lose it for everything. No matter what end of the day, its mine. It defines me.

Only thing that's making me feel better is saying "Tomorrow is going to be better" before going to sleep.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

can't think of a title

One of the worst feeling is being uncertain. I just hate it. What to do and What not to do questions block your mind and won't let you concentrate on anything. No matter how many times you make up your mind to stop thinking about it and take the day as it comes, its just not possible. If only we could just forward our days a bit and see how exactly everything has turned out. 

You must be saying its all about going through life step by step and should experience every little detail of it. I know. Have said the same and maybe even written about it in some post over here at some point of time. But right now I've just lost it. So i will write whatever comes to my mind. Anyways i have never thought twice before writing what comes to my mind. I have even written on days when my mind didn't say anything.

If you read this post and blamed yourself on wasting precious two minutes of your life, i can't help it. Anyways if every two minutes of life was oh so precious to you, would you have been sitting and reading blogs?

I'm going to stop typing now.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Getting better

I had heard too many people say, being with those who think positive makes you think same way. When anyone said this to me, used to nod, smile and walk away 'cos i really didn't believe that was possible. And to some extent i was fine with myself not being able to think and be positive about everything in life.

I have a friend at work who is so positive about everything and anything, it made me wonder sometimes if its just a show off. Sad of me to question his attitude just 'cos i can't be that way. Working along and being his friend has actually made me think and look at the positive side of everything after few minutes of my negative what if things go wrong kinda attitude.

Its not changed my way of thinking but its made me better. I still think about what might go wrong when placed with a new situation. Spend few minutes worrying and even crying. But one big difference right now is i worry for five minutes, thinking about the worst scenario that could happen. Then i start thinking about the best possible scenario, which obviously make me happy. And then i forget about both to just wait and face whatever is meant to happen.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

I'm back..!!!!!

My own blog seems like a strange place to me right now. Its been a long time i wrote anything. There were too many days when i questioned myself on what made me have a blog. Saying it was a busy month would just be me giving a stupid excuse 'cos we all know nobody can be that busy to not have few minutes to do what we love. Didn't i watch tv for an hour everyday? I did. Didn't i go through pictures in Facebook of girls wearing amazing shoes and feel jealous? I did. So i was not busy with work or anything. Its hard to explain what really happened. I guess its all about priorities. Can't really say.

I did think once or twice about writing but couldn't. It scared me 'cos blogging was something that was so close to me few weeks back and feeling it going away from me was not good. Not that i was great at it or anything. But it was mine. My way of expressing, complaining and feeling better about myself.

Realized something had to be done about this. But didn't know what. So i just took a paper and a pen. Blue gel pen and a blank paper, just like college days and started writing about my day. It was just normal "i did this" "i liked that" kinda stuff. Wrote few sentences but it made me feel so great. I guess nothing really goes away from us if we don't want it to. We just have to put a little effort to hold it back.